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This cover of Rolling Stone (and subsequent article if you want to read it) came across my cyber sights this morning. Without expending too many words about Miley Cyrus (I already said I wouldn’t write about her any more, but this cover really jarred me. Well done Cyrus publicists!) I kind of felt like I wanted to vent SOMETHING.

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My first thought when I saw this cover was WE HAVE ALL SEEN YOUR NAKED BODY SO MANY TIMES NOW, IT’S NOT EVEN INTERESTING. So what was all the uproar from about five years ago when Annie Liebovitz took that picture of you for Vanity Fair and you had your bare back showing and the world cried foul on poor Miley being tricked into showing some nudity by the wiley Annie? I’m ashamed that I even know of that “scandal”.

Secondly, yo Miley! A tattoo of a DREAM CATCHER???? That is such 8th grade lame symbolism. No offense to 8th graders. I’m embarrassed for you that you have that forever. Why didn’t you just hang one from the rear view mirror of your Maserati like the rest of the kids?

Thirdly, you keep stating that you “DON’T CARE” what anyone thinks of you; that this is the “GROWN UP ” you. Well guess what? Of COURSE you care what people think. That’s why you’re doing all of this very un-grown up sensationalist crap. Your sexuality on vapid display does not a grown-up woman make.

Fourth, I can just imagine her handsome (recently Ex) boyfriend on the set of the Hunger Games movie (how do I know this stuff????) and all of his colleagues being like, “Miley Cyrus, Liam? Really?” while pointing at him with giant foam fingers and laughing. Liam Hemsworth plays the brooding, stay-at-home baker, Gale, in the movie. Gale trumps Peeta in my opinion, but I digress…

Miley Cyrus is a twenty year old with no one guiding her toward self-respectability and as a mother to a young woman in her twenties, that really riles me up. Her father keeps saying how proud he is of her. Really, Billy Ray? Proud of her riding a wrecking ball naked and then rolling around in the rubble in her underwear after licking a sledgehammer? (Yeah, I watched the video and now I can’t un-see it.) ¬†What does all of that even mean, anyway? Why would she lick a sledge hammer? Maybe sledgehammers are the new dreamcatchers? I just don’t know.

Anyway.

Someone guide this girl onto a new track and please tell her to put some clothes on and her tongue back where it belongs. Okay, now I’m done.

I need to go read Middlemarch (and then mail it to Miley) to cancel out all of this crap in my brain. On the flip side, if there is ever a Celebrity Trivial Pursuit game, I will win it ALL.