After working out for maybe one day a week for the last few months, I worked out HARD (oh my god so hard) five times this week and I’m still standing. I was going to work out tomorrow as well, but you know? My throat is a bit scratchy and my body feels very heavy and tired so I think I’ll take it east the next two days.

All in all I am pretty surprised by myself. I actually did it. It was hard and I couldn’t wait for it to be over, but I also had the endorphin rush on the tread-mill again a few times and I use that as a place to go back to in my mind when the rubber bandy things around my ankles are sabotaging my balance on purpose making me stumble in front of the class like an adult sized toddler.

What’s interesting is the personal challenge aspect of this whole experience. While I want to push myself, I also don’t want to hurt myself. While I want to keep going, it’s good to know when to stop. And yet… there’s a little voice in my head saying are you realllllly pushing yourself enough? Really?

If I’m in this is for the long haul then I should pace myself, right? There’s such a mental battle going on during these workouts – a battle for the balance of going juuuuust that much farther and knowing that I’ve had enough and done enough and am good enough right where I am.

The grossest part of the week is that I come straight to work from my work out. I camp out in the restroom for about 20 minutes trying to take a bath in the sink, but the results ain’t pretty. I emerge shining with sweat, my face nuclear pink and my hair is so gross I won’t even share about that. Eventually, I need to figure out how to work out and take a shower afterward because it can’t be good to stew in my sweat all day and I’m sure the general public doesn’t care for it either. Grossss.

This first week has been a complete 180 from where I was last week and that is more than enough. It just HAS to be. In the next five weeks I will push a little bit more on each activity (pump up the incline on the treadmill, pick up the heavier kettle bell thingy, high-five other participants with energy instead of a sweaty limp hand). I’m really looking forward to the mental battle subsiding and just enjoying the process.

This is all new. This is all different.