Do any of you readers drink Yogi tea? I drink the Green Tea Super Antioxidant tea instead of coffee, sometimes. My thinking is it is counteracting something, somewhere in my toxic body and it tastes good. Anyway, every bag of tea has a little white paper tab at the end of the string with a quote on it. Kinda like an Om Shanti fortune cookie, without the cookie. And yes, sometimes these inspirational quotes are lame as crap; like, Your beating heart is an echo of the earth or Breathe in sunshine to dissipate your foggy mood (I made those up but you get the idea).
Today’s tea offered up the quote in the photo above; Love has no fear and no vengeance. Hmmm. Kinda cheesy, but it hit home for me for a few reasons.
Vengeance is seductive. It’s anger with an active sword, meant to do harm. While anger has a place in the grief process, vengeance does not. It’s fun to fantasize about, but acting on it only serves to do harm. Throughout this break-up process I have been counseled to get angry, lash out, be more dramatic in my emotions, seek vengeance. And I get that, I really do. However, I decided in the beginning of this break up that rather than be angry, which could only serve to create drama and stress, I decided I would focus on the excellent love that I had experienced with this person and work from there instead. It can only serve us both and those around us to honor a love that at one point was absolute magic rather than be seduced into a place that, when we were together, we never inhabited. We never operated from anger or drama or verbal jabs that would do real harm. So why do it now? Because it feels more powerful than sadness? Because it would serve him right? Because I want him to hurt as much as I have been hurting? All valid points AND I HAVE FANTASIZED ABOUT IT. I could wield a mighty sword and with one well-timed lunge, I could leave him wounded for a very long time. But the aftermath would suck. It wouldn’t feel good. Honestly, there is so much fucking crap going on in the world right now that I don’t want my life in any way to mirror the hate and divisiveness growing in our country.
And the truth is, I went into this relationship without fear and found a great love. So why leave it with vengeance?
The word that keeps coming to mind these days is Grace. It’s a word that gets used a lot on the tea bag quotes. It’s not a word I ever use in my daily ramblings, but right now it keeps popping into my head. And that’s what I’m going with. Grace. Honoring something that was beautiful and rare and the person who helped me create that something beautiful; honoring it all with Grace. And some whiskey, because I’m not a zen-master and I have Yogi tea to cleanse my toxins, so it all works out.
Hey, Yogi Tea people – You should put this blog post on your tea bag paper thingy!
Now I’m going to stop writing, because I’m grossing myself out with all this cheesiness.
Onward, with love and grace.
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If you honor it because you want to, then that’s all that matters. Whether he honors it or not–who cares? He may not be capable of it. But know what’s important to you, and that’s what matters most–your growth, your change, your ability to move on with an ultimately self-pervasive sense of grace. Sounds right to me.
PB’s comment is very wise. You, Susan are also very wise and you are so right to honor the goodness of your relationship w/G. There was plenty of that for quite a while and that’s what you remember because that’s who you are You gave him rare gifts because of who you are You can’t control or predict what he does or will do with them. How about a a focus on Ashlyn for a bit. ? I will help any way I can.