SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED (that actually did need to be written in all caps).
Where does one start? I guess with the biggest thing; my awesome, happy relationship ended. Which is fucking nuts. And it ended in a not awesome or happy way – not that it ever could have. It was almost two months ago now, and I’ll tell you that today I feel pretty fucking great! I’m not exactly sure why I feel great.
All signs point to the cliche that I should be overcome with sadness and binge-eating ice cream in bed while watching Love Actually. But you know what? I just really don’t feel like doing that. I don’t have TIME for that.
A lot of this current happy feeling, I believe, comes from the two years before I met the now-ex; with professional guidance I spent focused time on just me, facing down the dark shit and coming out the other side elevated, as a person functioning on a new frequency.
Don’t get me wrong – I have been really sad about this. I’ve spent some time grieving pretty hard, feeling debilitated from this disruption. But when I sat up, wiped my nose and looked deep inside myself to assess the damage, I found it wasn’t fatal and that the wound was already beginning to heal through some kind of … what? Divine intervention? Personal faith? Good whiskey? I don’t know exactly, but I’ll take it.
Also, strangely enough, I feel excited and positive about my future. I still believe and have always believed in love. I believe trustworthy, solid people run rampant in this world (I know lot of them). I really like men, even though it seems sometimes that they are trying hard to make me not like them. Hey, men – you can’t make me not like you! So please stop trying!
So next time (and I have no doubt there will be a next time), someone pretty fucking awesome will come along and want to honestly and completely join me on this ride of life.
In other news, this experience has gotten me writing again. Why can’t I write when I’m in the blissful throes of love, but can write when there is turmoil? So lame. AND because I’m not eating ice cream in bed (zero appetite) and still working out hard 4-5 times a week, I have finally lost some weight.
Lastly, I seem to be swearing up a storm; the profanities just flow out of my mouth as easily as the whisky goes in. In conclusion, I’m writing, losing weight, and feeling happy. WTF, life?
Hoping to start posting some more riveting info on this blog soon…