SIMPLE IS TRUE

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On Sunday afternoon we had forty five minutes to fit in a workout of some sort before a gallery speaking engagement I had scheduled. We took to the neighborhood streets and their heart-rate-rising hills to get the blood flowing and our minds (well, my mind anyway) up and humming.

As we approached the first hill at a fast clip I realized we were holding hands, not an unusual occurrence in these days of the I-like-you-close-to-me-as-much-as-possible-because-you-are-the-best-thing-ever phase (which I hope isn’t a phase, but just the normal, every day, forever-way we will be together).

As we began puffing our way up the first hill I asked,

Do people usually hold hands when they’re working out?

Without hesitation he replied,

They do when they’re in love.

I stopped walking, kissed the hand that was held in mine and returned his honest, blue-eyed gaze.

It’s surprising, to me, this sort of blatant love.  Quite often his verbal declarations leave me speechless. Holding hands is often the right way to wordlessly express such new and profound emotions that are only just now making their way in to my vocabulary.

Fingers entwined, subtle pressure, exchanged body heat; hand holding, like giving flowers, is such a simple way to show love.

VITA PULCHRA EST*

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Self portrait with goldfish. Las Vegas.

Self portrait with goldfish. Las Vegas, 2013.

*LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL

I took every effort not to make this a “I NEVER POST ON MY BLOG ANYMORE, I’M SORRRRRRYYYYY” post, but what can I say. It is what it is. And I’m sorry. Strangely enough, I have a lot of blog ideas floating around in my head and I get ready to write one and then something will happen such as reading about the horrific tar sands spill in Arkansas, rampant political corruption, the certainty of global warming that will bring (is bringing) on an environmental apocalypse, very real and present dangers like the one in Boston, and I think Why bother posting anything? What’s the point? It’s so unimportant in the face of all of this global negativity.

Also, I will read books and articles of award winning writing that shush my creative mind with a You will never, ever write like these people so why bother? And that blog post? It’s crap. Even if you remotely approach writing greatness, the global apocalypse will incinerate all paper books and kill all power sources, so unless all Kindles are solar charged, no one will be able to read it anyway. And that’s assuming the sun is still able to shine after the apocalypse. So why bother? Really.

(Obviously, I need to limit my daily news reading to Kardashian related items only)

I like writing words here and placing them with pictures. I like the idea of putting things out into cyberspace in all of their banal glory just for the hell of it; it’s akin to shoving a happy, yellow bird-ling out of the nest to see where it will go.  And there are a thousand beautiful things I could be writing about that are real and true – just as real and true as dystopian earthscapes with little sun and lots of zombies who have eaten all the happy yellow bird-lings.

Things like: BABIES being born before the end of the year, WEDDINGS, new LOVE, mature LOVE, SPRING, FAMILY, FRIENDS, MOVIES and BOOKS and MUSIC reviews, KITTENS, TRAVEL stories, and on and on right up to the crazy SEUSSICAL FLOWERS growing out of the gifted succulent on my front porch. Good stuff!

Maybe now that I have written this much, it will open the doors to writing more. Maybe I had to get this off my chest – this dark cloud of worry about the future – so that I can focus on this most beautiful and magical present. Because, my goodness, there is a lot of goodness out there and I for one want to soak it up until the sun don’t shine.

FLORABUNDANCE

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A sweetheart of a man brought me flowers at work today. Unexpected, full of life and color; the bouquet and the man.

The connection of women and flowers is a long and historic one. The connotation of each flower, the giver and the way it is given are as varied as the women themselves.

I chide my younger male co-workers for not giving their women flowers; spontaneous flower gifts, not bouquets given as a floral apology. You know, the kind of flowers that are given on a rainy (or sunny) Tuesday that basically say, “I was thinking of you”. The younger co-workers assure me that their women do not care about not getting flowers, to which my response is, “Yes, but what if you gave them anyway?”

What if, indeed?

Looking at my bouquet in a vase on the desk, the general feeling in me is to give. The upwelling of generosity, the desire to please and return the happiness those humble blooms give to me, the thought that I would do anything for that man if he asked me to, each petal as a token dropping in the slot to keep the gears of love and kindness running smoothly in my heart.

Priceless stuff. And so simple. And so kind.

PROCRASTINATION POST: THE WRITING PERSONA COSTUME

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The much desired writing costume. Not with the wig though. That would be a bit much.

The much desired writing costume. Not with the wig though. That would be a bit much.

A while ago I wrote a post about the idea of adopting a writing persona and how that might help one become inspired to write. And if not inspired, at least become a person who writes (as opposed to a person who works all day, or who cleans the house, or who cooks dinner, etc). We have costumes for all parts of our lives that help us slip into those roles, so why not the writing role?

When I am at work I definitely wear a costume; it’s usually all black, some portion of which is tailored. This costume is meant to put me in the role of Art Dealer and convey to others that their tens of thousands of dollars should be given to me in exchange for fine art. That is in opposition to the costume I wear when I am, say, cooking dinner after work. The other night that costume was made up of black velour sweat pants a-la Jennifer Lopez circa early 2000s, an oversized purple T-Shirt (complete with permanent coffee stain) that said Des Moines across the chest, topped off by a printed green and white apron with a flounce around the hem. The cooking costume is for my eyes only for obvious reasons, but it is a costume nonetheless that creates a cheerful if mismatched persona, whether real or perceived.

Occasionally, I will put on a pair of expensive shoes that I don’t wear often or a fancy party dress that hasn’t seen a party in years to wear around the house while watching television or sorting through the mail. But I have yet to costume myself while writing. The cooking costume has been known to double as a writing costume, but really I think something more creative and imaginative needs to be donned for such an important task.

This past October I was walking down the street when a dress in the window stopped me cold. I wanted it. I still want it. I took a picture of it that I came across today on my phone and thought, “That is my writing costume!” I think if I wore that dress while writing, I would be inspired enough to write not only 18th century tales of romance that include horse drawn barouches, but modern fables that would utilize iphones or Face Time to move the story along. In that dress I could become something or someone that was not the conservative art dealer, not the mismatched cook, and not even the adorned lover of a lovely man (although I think this dress would be perfect for some real-life bodice ripping). And when I needed to take a break from writing to gather my thoughts I could take a turn around the living room, underskirts swishing with each step, to arrive at the perfect idea for my next chapter.

Maybe I need to inquire as to the availability of the dress. Maybe it would shroud me with a writing persona that would propel me into a colorful and imaginative story. Maybe I am putting off the inevitable writing and work that needs to be done by writing about a dress that might help me write…

THE END AND A BEGINNING

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Recent trip, 2013

The first thing that kept me from writing every day. Hawaii, January, 2013.

THE END PART: Over at Finslippy, Alice Bradley occasionally hosts a Practice of Writing course online. Yesterday was the last day of the most recent course, in which I “participated”. Basically, I sucked (suck?) at The Practice of Writing, the gist of which means (in the case of this particular course) writing for only fifteen minutes a day for five weeks. I did get some time in for writing, made a few new blog posts, and jotted down some new story ideas which for me is a HUGE thing. So maybe I aced the course in my own particular way, but the thing about writing right now for me is this: there is so MUCH to be seen and done and lived right now away from the computer that the idea of sequestering myself for even fifteen minutes sounds intolerable.

There's a lot of world to see out there.

There’s a lot of world to see out there.

I guess there’s nothing wrong with that, except of course if I really want to write a book (which I WILL, just you watch me) I’m going to have to sequester myself for quite some time. But right now, life is calling me pretty hard and I am answering by soaking it all in. Eventually, I’m sure it will all flow out into a glossy hard bound book, available at your local bookstore and for $6.99 on Amazon with an audio version read by Jodi Foster and the movie rights optioned by Sophia Coppola after a bidding war amongst the giants of the film industry.

THE BEGINNING PART: That said, I have decided to commit to posting much more frequently on this blog to continue The Practice of Writing in my own way. I’ll try not to subject you to too much banality (that word seems stuck in my immediate vocabulary recall) and perk things up with photos and maybe some videos that don’t involve kittens cutely napping. Although, come on! Who doesn’t love those?

Write on,

Miss MoL

A BLOG POST ABOUT BANALITY AND VALENTINES

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This photo has to do with the Valentine portion of this post, not the banal portion. I heart this photo.

In the past two weeks I have written three potential blog posts. After writing, rewriting, editing and rewriting some more, I was disgusted with the lack of creativity, interesting thoughts, and self-serving confessional crap that was the end result of each, that I haven’t posted any. And won’t.

I’d really like to get away from writing about myself whether it’s PMS, tapeworms ( wrote 1,000 words about a fictional tapeworm that resides in my gut!!??!!), what I’m feeling, or banal stuff like the challenge of changing the wiper blades on my car. I’d like to post about things that are important and relevant and might make someone think a new way about something. Anything! I keep thinking that one day all the self-confessions and banality will run out if I keep writing about them and then the important stuff will show up. That hasn’t happened yet. And maybe, for me, what is banal is actually important to write about. That’s not to say that I think I’m banal and unimportant, but maybe it’s the exploration of those parts of my life that are fuel for the end result of something great. Whatever the reasoning, it’s what I’ve got so I’ll use it.

On another note, today is VALENTINE’S DAY! I love this day and choose to celebrate it regardless of relationship status. It’s a day for loving, not just your sweetheart, but your family and friends. It’s sappy and sweet and you can make of it what you will, so I choose to make it special and not see it as the ONLY day to celebrate love, but yet ANOTHER day to recognize love in all its forms. It’s a day when most of the world is celebrating love and if we’re all thinking about love, then our collective consciousness is surrounding the globe with a big red heart. And there’s nothing banal about that.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

THE WRITING PERSONA: DO YOU HAVE OR NEED ONE?

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A post on PBWRITES prompted this post. Actually, it was just a one line quote:

In order to write the book you want to write, in the end you have to become the person you need to become to write that book.
― Junot Díaz

It got me thinking. And thinking some more. I thought about the books I would like to write, the stories lounging in digital files, biding their time and collecting cyber-dust until I revisit and inject them with life. My fear is that most of those stories once brought back to life will stumble around like Frankenstein’s monster, scaring readers enough to come after me with pitch forks and torches.

But maybe, if I adopt the appropriate persona, the stories will become somewhat separate from me and ultimately, if readers do want to pitch-fork-and-torch me they wont be able to find the actual writer since it will be a fictitious persona. Or maybe I just have not become the person I need to become to write the damn book already. Maybe the person I will become will know WHAT the story of the book actually is, because this person today, right now, does not know for sure.

There is an innate tendency in my brain to romanticize everything, so when I think about writing I see myself like this:

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When maybe I should be seeing myself more like this:

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And while I do love me some cats and Papa Hemingway stories (and I’ve been known to have a glass of wine or three while writing) I don’t want to lose myself completely in a writing persona. Although, having just written that, it’s more than likely EXACTLY what I need to do; maybe not necessarily channel an alcoholic, unfaithful, egotistic, covertly misogynistic, talented dead man, but something or someONE else. Actually, it sounds kind of fun.

I think I need a costume for this, though, to get into character (excuse number 953 to put off writing?? I need a costume). Until I can think of one, I will continue writing as plain ol’ me and see what comes to life and if the pages resemble a Zombie or Frankenstein’s monster, it will be MY living-dead writing terrorizing readers near and far.

On a side note, I just finished reading The Paris Wife by Paula McLain. It’s a delightful read; well written, colorful, flowing style, about Hemingway’s first wife, Hadley. An inveterate reader could probably finish it in a long afternoon, it reads so easily.

Bring on the pitchforks!

Miss MoL

THE ALLURE OF ALOHA LAND

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Alice Bradley, a writer (and painter) I admire for her simple style laced with (actually humorous!) humor, is the leader of the pack for a group of writers who want to practice The Practice of Writing. I am one of those writers and if this is a class, then I have failed miserably.

The assignment is simple: write for 15 minutes a day using one of the prompts Alice gives after making us all feel better about not writing as much as we should want to write with a mini essay describing her own and very human experiences as a writer. FIFTEEN minutes! That’s it. Right.

Calendar challenged gal that I can be, this course coincided with a romantic romp to the Hawaiian Island of Kauai for ten days. The ocean view from our condo trumped anything that could possibly be happening in computer land, and yet, I stoically completed most of the first week’s assignments. Okay, maybe three. But seriously! A new and delicious romance, warm trade winds blowing across the patio that made one want to shed as much clothing as possible, whales breeching off shore, pink cocktails, turquoise water, and did I mention the delicious romance part? The idea of tearing myself away from all of that and sitting solo in front of my lap top was really not appealing. Can you blame me?

So, yeah. I have failed the Practice of Writing course. I’m sure someone will say, “You can’t fail at this course” or “There is no failing in writing – only learning!” or “There’s no crying in baseball writing!” (which everyone who has ever written anything knows isn’t true). There are a few days left in this course, so I will soldier on now that I am home and the delicious distractions of last week are now at arms length rather than in steamy proximity to…  sorry got a little distracted again.

I will complete the last few assignments with gusto. And, Alice, if you are grading us, you can give me a C+ for effort and I will be fine with that.

Write on and Aloha,

Miss MoL

PS: If anyone is grading this blog post on proper punctuation (read: quote marks and commas) stop grading now. I realize it’s a mess, but I have to go to work now and can’t fine tune it.

BIRTHDAY

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Christmas tree 2012

Today is my birthday. After a long night of complicated, sinister, and just plain bad dreams, I gratefully opened my eyes to the waking world and was welcomed back into it with affection, happiness, and warmth on a chilly morning. That is the way to start a birthday. Or any day. Every day!

The amount of gratitude I have for life lately is astounding. The default mood is unabashed happiness. Dare I call it joy, even? There was so much energy in my body on the walk to work this morning that I actually ran for a block just for the fun of it. Do you remember that Friends episode when Phoebe does her spastic run, arms and legs flailing, through the park just because it’s fun? That’s totally what I felt like doing this morning.

Gratitude and happiness and love and excitement are all swirling around in my body, a quartet of feeling with such centrifugal force it comes spilling out in spontaneous laughter and happy tears. Yeah, hormones may be playing a part here, I confess. I get weepy reading emails from friends. I want to hug and kiss my friend MF every time I see her to maybe infuse her with some of my blissful overflow and also just because I love her. I get teary looking at my brave little Christmas tree, small and bright perched on my Grandmother’s table, which then makes me melt into a pool of nostalgic love for Ga-Ga. I get teary writing what I just wrote! I’m a mess of happy feelings and PMS is not getting all the credit this time.

What is the point of this blog post? I have no idea. Maybe it was just to get today’s thoughts out of my head and into the internet world, and the world in general as I take stock of what is to come. This next year looks extremely exciting; I foresee a lot of change on my life, change that is overdue and change that is welcome. New phases in career are already showing up. New ideas and configurations of family are poised for definition in the coming months. And it all begins with two tickets to paradise that will whisk us away to an island of sun where, perched by a turquoise crescent of water, we will unwind and begin 2013. And yes, that makes me weepy as well.

My coffee mug today has a Jane Austen quote on it that reads “How shall I bear so much happiness?” Well, Jane, with gratitude and some weeping, apparently.

Cheers to that.

Miss MoL

WINTER’S TALE AND MORE SNOW

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“All rivers run full to the sea; those who are apart are brought together; the lost ones are redeemed; the dead come back to life; the perfectly blue days that have begun and ended in golden dimness continue, immobile and accessible…” 
― Mark HelprinWinter’s Tale

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I read last week that Mark Helprin’s epic book, Winter’s Tale, is being made into a movie. I have mixed feelings about that as it is one of my favorite books and HOW can the  fantasy elements not look ridiculous or too CGI on screen? Not to mention that the richness of the writing is impossible to script. But whatever. I’m always crying about a favorite book being made into a movie and then pleasantly surprised. Sometimes.

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This movie has included Jessica Brown Findlay (Lady Sybil from Downton Abbey. An inspired choice!) as Beverly Penn. And even though I almost spit out my coffee when I read that Colin Farrell had been cast as Peter Lake, seeing him in the picture above made me change my mind. Possibly. I have always pictured Peter Lake as looking like Gabriel Byrne, so actually Mr. Farrell is not that far off. But really, Gabriel Byrne would be better. Right?

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Anyway, I’m getting off track. The whole reason I started this post was not because of the movie or the fact that I want to live in Helprin’s magical land called the Lake of the Coheeries, but because lately I find myself falling asleep at night with visions of a fantastical, snowy New York City floating through my mind. Not the NYC of today, but the New York that exists in the book, in Central Park.  In particular, on top of a mansion, lying in a down bed, warmly covered in fur rugs while the snow falls all around. When I close my eyes I see lanes of leafless trees flicking past me as a horse drawn sleigh slides faster and faster through the snow, as we clasp our warm hands under the heavy (faux!) mink blanket. These are not unpleasant images to have before sleep.

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In WINTER’S TALE, Beverly Penn lives a solitary life on the top of her Mansion in the center of Central Park. She lies every night looking up at the falling snow or watching the stars roll across the night sky. She is not unhappy. Even though she lives this strange life above the rest of the world, a part of it, but not quite in it, she is eventually found by Peter Lake who is magical and adores her with his whole being until her inevitable death.

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It’s that love story that makes the book so special for me. And I wonder at how images from Beverly’s life keep running through my head in the last moments before sleep these past nights. I wonder at who has found me and how he looks at me. I wonder at how when together I feel a part of the world, but not quite in it. I marvel at the warmth of our hands clasped underneath the (faux!) mink blanket and then fall asleep to dream about white horses flying across the Brooklyn Bridge. I wonder, “What does it all mean?” and then I just let it be, because it is wonder full. And who needs anything more than that?

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“He could say nothing. He had no right to be there, he had already been profoundly changed, he was no good at small talk, she was half naked, it was dawn and he loved her.” 
― Mark HelprinWinter’s Tale

Happy Holidays! And PLEASE read the book before seeing the movie.

Miss MoL

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